It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my fart just growled at me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
