Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
