i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
