On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As shirtless as possible
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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