she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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