lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
