It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
