i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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