I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
