OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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