i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
