I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
