The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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