dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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