what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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