): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize