I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
