There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this just has baby written all over it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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