There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
