Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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