1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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