dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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