i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
