life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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