I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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