i think my tv is drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
