i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
