please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
