are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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