And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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