hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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