I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
