I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
