You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
