oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
