I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
