OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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