just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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