Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am available for nakedness
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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