Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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