nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
