So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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