We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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