I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize