It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How does one acquire holy water?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
