When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
