people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
