what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize