but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
