Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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