Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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