Michael Bay diarrhea
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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