Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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