So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
