my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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