I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
