Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
