saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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