I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
