Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
