i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
