I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
