capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
