i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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