I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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