Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
