So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
