why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
