If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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