oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
