Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
