I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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