hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
