I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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