My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Your dad touched me again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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