mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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